Cynthia's Story

When I asked Cynthia to wrote about her boudoir experience with us, she quickly responded with a “YES”. When I first read this, it brought me to tears. Cynthia’s transformation has been one of the most memorable ones. Here is her story, written by Cynthia herself.

It took me about a month before I finally booked my boudoir session. Doubt and anxiety echoed back at me. Can I do this? Should I do this? Will I look good doing this? I always hated myself in pictures and always hid behind the camera. I didn’t even like my school pictures growing up. It was my smile or I’m too heavy, I always found an excuse. Out of the blue, I recently had a break up with my boyfriend. I started to feel bad about myself and lost my confidence. That’s when I decided to just book the shoot and do it.

I prepared for my boudoir shoot as much as I could, checking off all of the things on my list to buy and do to make myself look like a better version of myself. Nails and toes?-check. Hey, ladies, ever had a Brazilian wax?-painful check. Hair appointment to hide my new lovely gray heairs? -check. Buying lingerie from stores I had never heard of, knowing full well I would only wear it once? -check

Then it was here-Boudoir Shoot Day. I shuffled into the studio-wearing leggings and an oversized sweatshirt-and was immediately greeted by two friendly faces. I was trying to put on a brave face as I laid out my outfits for the day, all the while chatting with Sandra and Janet, the hair and makeup artist. I'm so out of my element, I thought. I'm not sexy. What if the photos don’t turn out? I was whisked into the hair and makeup chair soon after.

"What are you going for today?" Janet asked me.

"Well...I don't ever wear makeup. So..." I was staring at myself in the mirror, the fluorescent bulbs highlighting the blemishes on my face. I didn't know how to reply.

"Do you like curls?"

I smiled. I loved when my hair was curled. I started to get more comfortable. While I was getting my hair and makeup done, Sandra and I were chatting about life, work, photography. I even made a joke about being half naked in front of a group of strangers—and they laughed! Maybe I can do this. Especially when I looked at myself in the mirror once I was done with hair and makeup. I couldn't stop staring. Could I really look that pretty? I genuinely didn't recognize the woman in the mirror-the same mirror where I had just focused on the imperfections of my face. Why was I so obsessed with focusing on the negative?

It's really all about jumping off that cliff-even if you have a fear of heights. The cliff where all your insecurities hang out and whisper those non-truths into your soul. The cliff where you have never felt good enough. The cliff where we judge other women for what they look like. The cliff's edge that is too damn perfect to leave most days.

But I was determined for today to not be that day. If I could jump out of a perfectly good airplane on my birthday, I could jump off this cliff of imperfection.

"Look how stunning you are, " Sandra rushed over to show me a picture on the camera. And I started to believe it.

Even if Sandra had to help me hook up my thigh-highs to the garter belt. Even when I couldn't relax the worry-wrinkles on my forehead. Even when I had to cling onto the chair for dear life as I flipped my hair. Even when I was laughing hysterically when Sandra said “no duck lips.” Even when I laid down on the cold, bare floor to get the perfect shot. I finally let go-I felt free.

I could have never imagined what the final product would be.

You would never think that coming back for the Reveal Session would actually be the most nerve-wracking moment of all! After my session, I felt sexy, I felt confident, I felt beautiful. Would all that come through in the pictures?

Sandra showed me picture after picture -a girl I hardly recognized.

"Is that me?! That's not me," I kept repeating.

"Yes! That Is you!" she kept saying. I didn't focus on the flaws and imperfections that plagued my daily life. It was so liberating. For the very first time in my life, I genuinely didn't feel weighed down by those thoughts. Maybe it took Sandra’s perspective for me to see myself in a true light. That stunning woman in those pictures WAS me-looking completely and utterly flawless. I was speechless.

Flawless. Me. Used in the same sentence. (I get emotional just writing this.) I had never felt that way before. I felt like I was on top of the world. Is this what it felt like to truly love yourself?

I decided to get a 40 page album from the boudoir shoot that I flip through daily. I also got a beautiful 20x24 piece of wall art for my wall. It's a daily reminder that my self-image has completely changed after having my boudoir shoot. A new level of confidence and acceptance became a part of my everyday life...all thanks to Sandra and Janet, two people who have the very special talent of finding beauty in everyone.

I feel empowered just being, well...me. I had given myself the best gift of all.

Love.